making it right

this morning i woke up feeling really bad about myself.my current work doesnt really reflect what i believe i can do and not only that,i've been postponing my work so long that i'm getting fed up with myself. really makes one wonder how my teachers are feeling.probably more fed up with me than i am.the only explanation(more of an excuse really) i can come up with is the post exam feeling.i'm the kind of person that just suddenly switches off after the exams are over(dont sneer at me,u do it as well,well most of you at least). not really the best thing to do since my next coming exam is getting closer by the day(its in june by the way if ure wondering).and also,the reason why i'm like this is not really because exams are ove,its more to the fact that i'm just bleedin lazy.i know myself better than most ppl and my huge prob has always been laziness(which is closely followed by my appetite for good food)so,from now on,i'm commiting myself working at least 6 hours a night.i realised now that my sleeping habits doesnt really make me work more,what it does is gives me more time awake. so by setting a specific minimum time of working,at least i have an idea of how much work i'm doing where as just being awake for 20 hours a day does not mean i work 20 hours a day. so its decided,at least 6 hours of work during night time meaning this excludes lesson time and vols.hopefully this will work(come on,dont laugh,as a friend u should at least support me a bit).i'm gonna exclude weekends from this hectic time management(lets just call it a day off)so that i will have a bit of time to do other stuff like learn how to cook or have a game session or wtv.man..i'm reading through this and somehow it sounds just ridiculous,impossible and the guy writiting this must be a nutcase.maybe i am.who cares anyway.i'm doing this so that i can make things right. this is my determination! i;m gonna do posters after this to remind me of my goal.a bit 'skema' i'll admit but if i have to start sometime ,i might as well try to start now while i'm not thinking straight. Ktk told me that one thing that all of us have in common(us as in 'us' not everyone,not only me and him either) is that there will be a point in our lives where we will just 'blossom'(this is an actual quote).mine might not be now but i'll try hard till that day comes.
going to today,well,just another wednesday really(except for my awakening of course).i might be able to 'rob' a few maggi mee's from two of my friends which is a good thing(for me at least).had my first innocent smoothies bottle since i cant even remember when.if any of u never had it before then search for it,kill sumone if u have to,its worth every blood drop(unless its mine of course,mines priceless)actually no,dont kill anyone,i dont want to be blamed if sumone died over a smoothie that i said was worth killing for.but its just one ofthose luxuries i can only afford to have once awhile,seriously.i know my dad told me that its ok when it comes to food but the price when you think about it is just..sooooo expensive.fair enough it uses 100% recycle bottles and 100% fruits as its ingredients but with that kind of price,i can actually get 3 coke cans for each smoothie. and hell,even when it comes to coke i have to think twice if not thrice.at 50p,its killing me financially. back to today,again i tried to go to the ca office but i have no idea how to open the door ,i tried pulling,pushing,turning the nob,nothing happens,its like they dont want me to be in. so trying to not make myself look like an idiot trying to break in,i just bolted(when i think back,bolting makes it look more like i was trying to break in). bought myself a new set of stationaries from the bookstore,i thought i needed a change in working conditions and tools to mark my 'change'.end of the day.bring on tomorrow